So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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