I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize