so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
