I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i barfeds in our rink
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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