If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
