someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
