i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
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i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
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Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.