Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home