My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
