Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.