Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....