I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
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You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
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We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.