Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
