The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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