tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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