i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
