There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
