Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
