remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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