i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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