Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Randomize
