Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
