We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
