I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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