all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
