i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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