all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
