***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
