I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
