That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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