I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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