i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
