Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
