I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
