I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I lost the right to judge tonight
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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