Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
