I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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