I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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