I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
