Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
All the doctor said was why
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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