that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
