so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
