if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
