Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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