highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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