Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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