Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
