Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
not ubering you a puppy
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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