I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
