Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
