I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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