How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
