he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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