you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
