He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
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You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
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I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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