I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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