nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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