thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
