Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
