his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
