Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
home. puking in laundry basket.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
