WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
