im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
