i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
