I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
