I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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