the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
