I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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