I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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