i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
