then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I fill condoms, not promises.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Randomize
