Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
