im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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