Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
