Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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