Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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