This dress was meant to end up on your floor
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
