Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
