The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize