I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
