Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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