You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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