we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
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I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
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You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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