he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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