every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
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