So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
