even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
