You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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