Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
