Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
In America we eat man semen.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
