The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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